Sweet Dreams
by Dr Megalomania
Summary: Daniel who is a little bored decides to pay his old buddies in the SG1 a little visit. What he finds is a little disturbing...
1. Daniel’s a little restless

Greetings, and welcome to my wacky little world!!

So, yeah, like I don't own any of the characters that will be gracing this story . . . but at the next auction I hope to buy Chevron Guy!! 

Warnings: Severe Out of Character-ness, little or no following of the time line . . . and little or no respect for the SGC . . . [grin] what can I say?

Dedication: When watching Stargate non-stop, eating much chocolate, and *trying* to figure out a plot for a Daniel/Sam fic, when very dedicated to Jack/Sam . . . they are MEANT to be together, besides . . . Daniel's married for crying out loud! . . . I lay blame for this ficlet *entirely* at Cucumber Faye The Paranoid One's feet! 

"Speaking"

//Thinking//

*Emphasis/stressing*

_~Flashback ~_

_--Dream--_

~Sweet Dreams~

By Doctor Megalomania

Part One: Daniel's a little restless . . .

T'was the night before . . . 

Daniel frowned, it wasn't exactly Christmas just yet, but the phrase did seem to set the right mood . . . Anyway, everywhere around SGC was quiet, not even a mouse stirred. Absolute quiet, even Chevron Guy was still in his seat, snoring quietly, his hands reaching out and grabbing at pretty much nothing. 

Daniel, floating through out the multi-floor base, cocked an eyebrow. Damnit. He knew he was right all this time! Jack *so* owed him twenty bucks, Chevron Guy *never* left his seat!

He sighed, and continued to float around, thinking back to his conversation with Mother Nature. . .

~

_"What do you mean you're bored? . . . already?! You've only been immortal for a couple of months now!"_

_"But . . . isn't there anything we can do that won't disrupt the very nature of the universe?"_

_". . . you want the Samantha Carter answer or the Jack O'Neill answer?"_

_"Is there a Teal'c option?"_

_"No, but I believe we are offering a Tok'ra non-answer, complete with authentic threat to the peaceful coalition between humans and the Tok'ra . . ."_

_"I'll take Jack."_

_"Okay, for cryin' out loud Daaaan-iel, there ain't nothing, not now, not ever, kappish? Over my dead, rotting body will anything ever be done, okay?! Got it? There, now be a good little happy camper, and read some ancient stuff."_

_". . . whoa . . . you're good."_

_"I try."_

~

So.

So, here he was floating around SGC, looking for some one to try out the one interesting thing she had suggested . . . reading other people's minds, diving into their dreams, and basically using his supernatural powers to further the immortal realm knowledge of humankind, and what makes them tick . . .

As he came up to his first choice's door, he smirked –

~

_"Isn't that just a another way of putting the fact that you're nosey as hell, and want the latest gossip so you can laugh and point at their puny little lives?"_

_She raised an eyebrow, "Yes . . . And your point is?"_

_Daniel shook his head slowly, "No, no point . . ."_

~

-- Anyway, here he was now floating over General Hammond, at Twelve Twenty Five in the morning.

Daniel drew a deep breath and reached out, pressing his palm against the bald commander's forehead. He closed his eyes and—

_-- opened them against the bright blue sky, and the wonderful warm sunshine. He looked around, and raised his eyebrows at the sight._

_General Hammond was, uh . . . well, he was . . ._

_Daniel cocked his head, as if providing himself with another angle was going to explain things any clearer._

_General Hammond was, erm . . . well, he was lounging. Daniel nodded, yes. . . yes indeed, Hammond was lounging. . . *naked*. . . on a big pile of blue jell-o. The bald man cooed happily and stuffed another handful into his mouth. _

_The unmistakeable sound of the rings descending behind him, made Daniel turn. Someone had rung down another pile of blue jell-o. Daniel felt a nerve under his eye twitch. A squeal of happiness from General Hammond, and the flash of Hammond's backside was enough to make Daniel—_

--opened his eyes and stumbled back.

Hammond smiled gently in his sleep and rolled over. Daniel stared at him, gaping like a fish. He had known General Hammond was, uh, *fond* of Blue jell-o . . . but this . . . *this* was taking it a bit too far. . .

Daniel got to his feet, and walked very quickly out of the room . . . actually he phased through the floor into the room of Teal'c, but Sam wasn't here. He didn't *have* to use strict scientifically correct terms.

He found himself tense, and agitated as he approached Teal'c, what would Teal'c be dreaming of? If Hammond was dreaming of himself butt-naked in a field of Blue Jell-o, then what on earth . . . or indeed the universe would Teal'c dream of?

Drawing a deep breathe, Daniel reached out and—

_--found himself staring at the dark walls of a broom closet._

_"What in the hell. . .?!" Daniel sighed and clasped his hand over eyes. He drew another breath and prepared himself for whatever bizarreness Teal'c and a dark broom closet would muster. There was a distinctly unfamiliar giggle, and Daniel had to listen to it several times before he actually *believed* what he was hearing. _

_Teal'c was giggling._

_Teal'c . . . Giggling._

_If he hadn't suspected it before, Daniel knew for sure . . . yes, that nerve under his eye was indeed twitching. _

_Suddenly, without any warning Teal'c opened the door to the broom closet and was rewarded with a loud thump. The former First Class Jaffa poked his head around the door to see what, or rather who he had hit . . . Daniel poked his head through the door to see what Teal'c had hit._

_Lt. Marvin Reed . . . who in real life had the unfortunate habit of slamming doors into Teal'c's face . . . lay sprawled out on the floor, clutching his nose and howling loudly, and satisfyingly, in pain._

_Teal'c grinned – Daniel felt his heart skip a beat at that – and stepped over Lt. Reed. The former First Class Jaffa roared loudly with laughter as he stood and pointed at Lt. Reed's bleeding nose, and pain. _

_Daniel shook his---_

_--_ head as he pulled his hand away. 

Teal'c still heavily in his dream simply smirked that knowing little smile of his and slept away. Daniel concluded that Teal'c had a few rage issues . . . 

"Rage issues?" The former human murmured as he floated out into the corridor, "I wonder . . ."

-------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: [vaguely, distracted by Gundam Wing Manga] Welcome . . . welcome . . . come in, come in!!

Jack: [irate] What the--?! For cryin' out loud!! What the hell is this?!

Cucumber Faye: [brightly] It's a Stargate Fic!! Duh!

Jack: who the hell are you?!

C-Faye: Cucumber Faye . . . the Paranoid One . . . and DrM's supplier of all things Stargate!!

Jack: [pulls gun] so YOU are the one who turned her attention on us!! [Aims for C-Faye's Head] Any last words?!

C-Faye: [smiles wickedly] yes I have . . . [clicks fingers and grins as a faint noise starts up]

DrM: [looking up from manga] What's that noise, Faye-Faye?

C-Faye: That, Dr Meggie, that would be . . . [opens door] Death ooooorrr. . .

Urgo: mmmmmmmmMMMMM_MMMEEEEEEEEEEEE**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Jack: Oh, for cryin' out loud . . . Hell . . . no . . . over my dead body . . . HELL NO!!!

C-Faye: URGO!!!

Urgo: CUCUMBER FAYE!!

DrM: READERS!!! Review please . . . it's nice to know there's people out there still!


	2. So He Took Jack By The Hand

Greetings, and welcome to my wacky little world!!

So, yeah, like I don't own any of the characters that will be gracing this story . . . but at the next auction I hope to buy Chevron Guy!! 

Warnings: Severe Out of Character-ness, little or no following of the time line . . . and little or no respect for the SGC . . . [grin] what can I say?

Dedication: When watching Stargate non-stop, eating much chocolate, and *trying* to figure out a plot for a Daniel/Sam fic, when very dedicated to Jack/Sam . . . they are MEANT to be together, besides . . . Daniel's married for crying out loud! . . . I lay blame for this ficlet *entirely* at Cucumber Faye The Paranoid One's feet! 

"Speaking"

//Thinking//

*Emphasis/stressing*

_~Flashback ~_

_--Dream--_

~Sweet Dreams~

By Doctor Megalomania

Part Two: . . . So He Took Jack By The Hand . . .

And that was what led him to Jack's room. 

 Jack was snoring loudly, hanging off the side of his bed, one arm flung over his eyes, the other clutching the edge of the bed. The sheet was pulled down to his waist, and his vest ridding up. Daniel raised his eyebrow, and rolled his eyes, he always knew Jack slept like Homer Simpson. Crouching down, Daniel rested his elbows on his knees and stared at the upside down face of Jack O'Neill. He sighed and turned himself – namely floating – upside down so he could touch Jack's face a little easier. 

What would Jack be dreaming of at this time of night, Daniel—

_--wondered, and frowned as he found himself sitting opposite Jack as he tucked into a bowl of Fruit Loops, in the mess hall. Jack wasn't even stark bollock naked. Daniel sighed, what was the point of this dream? At least when Hammond dreamt of food, he did something interesting._

_Jack hummed quietly, as he turned the page of the news page._

_Daniel groaned, and tipped his head back, "What in the hell is going on?!"_

_Jack smiled faintly as he read a front-page story of a little girl getting her dog back._

_"At the risk of pulling an Urgo . . ." Daniel muttered to the ceiling before tilting his head forward and glaring at Jack, "Booooooooooorrrrr-riiing!"_

_The dapple grey haired soldier laughed gently as he read another story about how the creators of The Simpsons had decided to do a episode about a mysterious wormhole generating doorway, and a team of a heroic soldier, a scientist babe, a cute archaeologist and an very impressive alien with a tattoo on his butt. _

_Daniel was about to pull away at this point when a siren started to whine. _

"SG-1!!" _Chevron Guy yelled, his voice echoing around the base on the PA system,_ "Please Report To The Gate Control Room! Repeat! SG-1--"

_"Finally," he muttered, and looked expectantly at Jack. Jack sighed, and growled under his breath._

_"For crying out---"_

"Oh . . . don't worry . . ." _Chevron Guy's voice suddenly sounded_, "It's just snort on the monitor . . ." 

_Daniel glared at Jack as the man sank back into his seat, picked up his spoon, and newspaper, and smirked happily. Doctor Jackson shook his head, "I worry about you, Jack . . . you have boring dreams . . ."_

_Jack blinked and looked up, "Whoa . . ." he blinked again, "Daniel?"_

_"Jack?!" Daniel jumped, "You can see me?"_

_"Uh. . ." Jack's face fell into that adorable confused look he sometimes got, "I think so . . . but haven't you ascended?"_

_"I decided to descend and visit you guys for a while. . ."_

_"Riiiiiight . . ." Jack nodded, "And you worry about the fact I have boring dreams?"_

_Daniel shrugged and gestured around, "You don't call this boring? You're not doing anything . . ."_

_"Hey . . . I do plenty . . ." Jack's voice got defensive, "It's just I have enough excitement in my life, surely I'm allow to have one boring day, even if it's just me sitting in the . . . wait a minute, this is a dream, what in the hell are--_

--you doing in my dreams, Jackson?!" 

Jack sat up. . . unbalanced and fell out of bed, he rolled, effectively tying himself up in his blanket. Daniel waited until his former commander had come to a stop, and was lying on his side with a blanket over his head. "Are you okay?"

"Does it look like I'm okay?!" Demanded Jack angrily, before he started struggling to rid himself of the blanket. "Oh, for crying out—"

"Uh . . . Let me help you . . ." 

As soon as Jack was free, the two stared at each other. Jack was sitting against his bed on the floor, with the blanket pooled around him, and Daniel was floating, kinda glowingly, above him, still upside down. Jack glared at him, "And what if I was dreaming about Sam---" Jack stopped himself swallowed, and blushed slightly, before continuing, "Sammmmm. . .MMmmurai naked girls? Samurai naked girls, huh? Goddamnit, Daniel, have you immortal beings never heard of privacy?!"

"Samurai naked girls . . ." Daniel raised an eyebrow and cocked his head, "Jack, is that the best you can do?"

"Shut up." Jack growled and climbed back into bed again, he lay down and stared at the ceiling, anyway, "What are you doing here, Daniel?! For crying out loud, it's two in the freaking morning and here you are floating over me like Casper the Friendly freaking ghost?!"

"I told you I just wanted to visit some friends . . . and read their minds, and explore their dreams . . ." 

"Why me?"

"Well, lets see shall we?" Daniel deadpanned; "You *were* one of my *best* friends in life, Jack . . ."

Jack groused quietly for a moment, before spitting out a quiet, ". . . Fine."

A cautious boot slinked around the corner, followed by it's brother, the Right Boot. They took turns at being at the front and back as they made their way down the corridor. It was a dangerous time, and stealth was the top priority. They came to another corner, and paused, holding their breath lest they be discovered . . .

"Jack?"

Gasp!! Their mighty leader, the all-knowing-god, Jack had been called. The boots trembled with quaking fear . . . what would become of them as—

"Jack!"

"What?!" Jack interrupted his rather absorbing inner monologue to turn and glare at the floating Daniel. Daniel crossed his arms and sighed, "I never realised how nutty you are . . ."

"Shush!" Jack growled, "now . . . pop you head through the wall and tell me is Jonas is still awake!"

"Jonas?" Daniel raised an eyebrow, "you call him Jonas?!"

"I wanted to call him Satan, but Hammond wouldn't let me, okay?!" 

Daniel sighed, "And people wondered why I chose to ascend . . ." he drew a deep breathe and started to poke his head through the wall. Jack smirked and muttered sarcastically, "Certainly isn't 'cause you out lived your usefulness?"

"What was that?" Daniel retreated quickly, scowling as Jack put on the face of an angel.

"Nothing . . ."

Jack tiptoed into Jonas' room, and gave Daniel the thumbs up . . . as it turned out; Daniel could share his dream seeing ability. So, grabbing Jack's wrist, Daniel slowly put his hand on Jonas' forehead and—

_--blinked as he found himself on a very perfect world. The sky was a deep blue, with fluffy white clouds rolling happily over it, a Stargate nearby that looked in perfect condition; Sam was a few metres off, with Teal'c overseeing her experiments. Jack shrugged and looked around, "this looks fairly tame . . ."_

_"This coming from a man who dreams of fruit loops and snot on the monitor . . ." Daniel sighed and looked around. He spotted Jack and Jonas a little further off, "Ah . . . there he is . . . let's go . . ."_

_"Okay, Jonas . . . that's your mission . . ." Dream-Jack spoke with deep authority, in a voice that also spoke of gentle appreciation. Daniel frowned, "He's got a wildly distorted view of life, hasn't he?"_

_Jack shrugged as he watched Jonas nod enthusiastically; "He's just optimistic . . . he reminded me of you . . ."_

_Jonas ran off, and fetched something, and ran back, presenting it to Dream-Jack. "Mission complete sir!"_

_Dream-Jack smiled benignly, and patted Jonas on the shoulder; "I knew you could . . . well done!" The dream version of Jack looked at a clipboard, "Want another mission?"_

_"Yes!!" Jonas yelped energetically. Daniel raised an eyebrow as the same thing happened again, Dream-Jack gave Jonas a mission, which was to fetch an article and then return, and then Dream Jack would clap him on the shoulder and say, "Well done, Jonas . . . very well done!"_

_Daniel glanced at Jack, "And you let this man replace me?!"_

_"What can I say . . ." Jack murmured gently as he placed a hand on Daniel's shoulder, "Look at him . . . he just so reminded me of you . . ." Daniel frowned, as they watched Jonas return with yet another item, Jack chuckled as he watched his dreamself congratulate Jonas again, "He's not unlike a puppy . . ."_

_Jack laughed and started to walk away, as Daniel stared after him. It took a few moments but . . ._

_"Wa-wait!" Daniel growled, "You thought I was like a puppy?!"_

Creeping along the corridor, Jack smiled smugly as he heard Daniel mutter some choice words under his breath. They were heading to SGC because Daniel wanted to prove to Jack the Chevron Guy truly never left his seat. He was smirking because, as Daniel pointed out that Jack owed him for some small bet they made, Jack had hit back with the fact that immortal beings didn't need money in the mystic realm of Where-ever-the-hell-Daniel-existed now. He shook his head silently, "Sometimes I just underestimate how good I am . . ."

The doors to SGC opened quietly, and Jack tiptoed up to the Chevron Guy . . . so named for the fact all he ever seemed to say was Chevron this and Chevron that . . . they crept up quietly behind the bald headed man, and peered at him with curiosity. "So . . ." Daniel growled quietly, a little annoyed at the fact he was going to be out of pocket by twenty bucks, for the rest of his natural existence . . . which was going to be a helleva long time. 

"So?"

"So, what are we doing here?" Daniel hissed back testily. Jack smirked infuriatingly.

"What makes you think I wanna leave?" He motioned Chevron Guy, "What makes you think I wanna leave him behind like this? A lot of things have changed Daniel since you left, what's to say I haven't fallen madly in love with the Chevron Guy, and that it's become a favourite past time of mine to just sit there and watch him as he slumbers. . ."

Daniel raised an eyebrow, "Because you like to dream about Sam . . ." he tweaked a sarcastic smirk as he paused, "Mmmurai naked girls." 

"Doesn't every hot blooded American man dream of Sam . . ." Jack pulled Daniel's remark and threw it back at him, "Mmmurai naked girls from time to time . . ."

"Touché." Daniel's annoyance broke and he grinned and nodded. He held out his hand for Jack's wrist as he turned his other hand on Chevron Guy's face and—

_-- Coughed violently as smoke filled the SGC!!_

-------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: So . . . Whatcha think? It's my first Stargate fic, and remember, I'm mostly into anime fic writing so . . . 

Jack: You aren't comfortable by writing for Stargate . . .

DrM: Uh, well, actually, I . . .

Jack: [not really listening] That's all right DrM, I knew you couldn't do it . . . I mean you're a crap writer anyway so . . .

DrM: Hey!

Jack: [still not listening] So, stick to what you know best and go back to writing that crappy anime stuff you do best . . .

C-Faye: Psst . . . Dr Meggie . . . he's trashing Anime, and I heard he called Yue a butterfly poofter, Spike a wussy cry baby . . . AND that Relena was a brilliant character with depth and that she, not Duo, belongs with Heero . . .

DrM: WHAT?!

Jack: What the?! I never said any of that!!

Urgo: And he said you'd never be able to finish this . . . said that you anime-lovers are all the same and never finish a fic . . . 

Jack: Hey! That's not true!!

DrM: [steaming at the ears] FINE THEN!! [Growls and throws self back at the keyboard] I'll show you, Jack O'Neill!! I'll finish this fanfiction before you can even draw your next breath!!

Jack: [rolls eyes as C-Faye and Urgo exchange high fives, and DrM type furiously] Just . . . Just review, okay . . . 


	3. And They Went On A Merry Adventure

Greetings, and welcome to my wacky little world!!

So, yeah, like I don't own any of the characters that will be gracing this story . . . but at the next auction I hope to buy Chevron Guy!! 

Warnings: Severe Out of Character-ness, little or no following of the time line . . . and little or no respect for the SGC . . . [grin] what can I say?

Dedication: When watching Stargate non-stop, eating much chocolate, and *trying* to figure out a plot for a Daniel/Sam fic, when very dedicated to Jack/Sam . . . they are MEANT to be together, besides . . . Daniel's married for crying out loud! . . . I lay blame for this ficlet *entirely* at Cucumber Faye The Paranoid One's feet! 

"Speaking"

//Thinking//

*Emphasis/stressing*

_~Flashback ~_

_--Dream--_

~Sweet Dreams~

By Doctor Megalomania

Part Three: . . . And They Went On A Merry Adventure . . . 

_Jack coughed uncontrollably as he swiped away at the dusty smoke, "What's going on?!" He demanded, and approached the panels of the SGC. "Where's Carter?" He made a grab at the microphone, but gasped as his hand sailed right through it!_

_"Uh, Jack?"_

_Jack, stubborn mule that he is, tried again, and gave a growl of frustration as his hand went sailing through the microphone again and again. "Not now, Daniel!!"_

_Daniel nodded once and itched the side of his nose as he looked around._

_"For crying out loud!" Jack growled aloud as his repeated attempts to grab the microphone failed, "What in the hell---?!"_

_"Uh, Jack, if you would---"_

_"For crying out loud, Daniel!!" Jack whirled around and shouted at Daniel, "Can't you see we've got a situation on our hands? The SGC is under attack!!"_

_"That's just my point . . ." Daniel scratched the side of his nose again, and shrugged, "This isn't the SGC . . ." Jack's brow folded into a deep frown, and a clear expression of 'Huh?'. The semi-all-seeing archaeologist sighed and glanced up, drawing a deep breathe before launching into his explanation. "Jack . . . this isn't real, remember? This is Chevron Guy's dream, okay?" Jack's frown grew deeper, as Daniel continued, "Just like you dreaming of a normal day in the cafeteria? . . . Like that Puppy-Man-Jonas-Guy and his dreams about fetching and retrieving for you . . . And like Teal'c and his hiding in cupboards, and smashing doors into people's faces . . ." A thin sliver of comprehension dawned on Jack's face, and Daniel could see the light, "Get it?"_

_"Yeah, I'm with you . . ." Jack stepped back and watched as the violent dream continued, before leaning over and whispering to Daniel, "Teal'c dreams of hiding in cupboards?"_

_"Let's just leave it at that." Daniel muttered as he watched Chevron Guy jump up from his seat, and yell something very rude at the invading aliens._

_Jack frowned, and moved away only to lean back and murmur again, "Who else did you go to before you went to me?" _

_"Just Teal'c and General Hammond." Daniel looked a little flustered as he spoke. Chevron Guy, since now General Hammond was immobilised, was now the leader. Apparently in the dream, Chevron Guy was the only one left to command some very panicky ensigns . . . who all appeared to be beautiful young women who gazed at Chevron Guy with evident love and lust, and the other remaining officers on deck were impressionable young men, who were looking for a role model and a father figure. _

_"What did the General dream of?" Jack asked, as Chevron Guy grabbed a large gun and started to shoot at the invading aliens . . . which looked suspiciously like Klingons with tails.  _

_"Eh . . ." Daniel hesitated, wincing slightly as a large explosion – caused by the handgrenade that Chevron Guy threw at the invading horde – rocked the Stargate room. "I don't actually . . . remember . . ."_

_"Was he dreaming about naked girls? What samurai naked girls?" Jack asked in amusement, picking up on Daniel's evasion instantly, hardly paying attention, as Chevron Guy rescued a hostage – a beautiful young ensign – and almost got shot in the back by an evil looking Klingon, but was saved by a hapless solider – a impressionable young man – who dived in the way of the rather slow moving energy shot. _

_"Not exactly . . ." Daniel looked away, his face beginning to turn redder and redder. Chevron Guy whipped around and shot the ruthless Klingon, and sank to his knees as the impressionable young man lay dying in a pool of his own blood. Chevron Guy looked grim as he spoke a few words of thanks, and the impressionable young man smiled, his life and death made worthwhile. _

_"Then what?" Jack continued to probe, as Chevron Guy shook his hands at the ceiling at the clear inhumanity of the impressionable young man's death and let out a gut-wrenching cry of: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"_

_"Just something that I . . ." Daniel squirmed uncomfortably, "look. I just don't remember!"_

_"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"_

_"Aw, come on Daniel . . ." Jack's grey eyes took on a delighted twinkle, "tell me! "_

_"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"_

_"Jack, it's not something I *want* to remember, okay?!"_

_"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"_

_"But it's going to be funny!!" He grabbed Daniel's arm, "isn't it?! "_

_"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"_

_"Trust me it isn't, now shut up!" Daniel wrenched his arm from Jack's grasp, "and watch the damn dream! "_

_"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"_

_"Y'know something, I think I preferred you when you were less ascended . . . you're a complete jerk now. "_

_"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"_

_"I am not! "_

_"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"_

_"Are too! "_

_"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"_

_"Am NOT!! "_

_"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"_

_"ARE TOO!! "_

_"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"_

_"AM NOT!! "_

_"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" Chevron Guy's cry started to fade, as Jack and Daniel continued to bicker. He gathered the Impressionable Young Man's body into his arms and whispered fiercely that his death would not go unavenged. That said, he promptly dropped the body – which conveniently disappeared – and Chevron Guy and all the Beautiful Young Women – all the other impressionable young men having popped out of existence – started dancing happily, as in something out of a really bad sixties super hero program. _

"Am not."

"You are so too, it's unbelievable you haven't crossed over to three years old yet!" 

Daniel felt his eyes cross, "Jack . . . you won't believe how bad that was . . ."

"I could believe it a hellava lot more if you would tell me what Hammond was dreaming of . . ." Jack groused as they past the women's quarters. He paused, "How about . . .?"

"Jack, no!"

"Why not?!" Jack started to grin, "Don't you wanna know what . . . all those Samurai naked girls dream about?"

Daniel flushed, "Jack, it's . . ."

"Not ethical, not moral, not nice . . . screw being nice, where did nice ever get us?!" Jack started to pace forward, and disappeared into the darkness of the corridor. Daniel, also a stubborn mule, stood rock still and refused to move for a few moments before jogging after Jack.

They paused outside Doctor Fraiser's room. 

"Ya think we . . .?" Daniel made a motion toward the room. Jack nodded, glancing down the corridor, keeping a look out. Daniel sighed, and popped his head through the wall. Jack waited a couple of seconds, and raised an eyebrow as Daniel hastily beat a retreat and squeaked. 

"What?" Jack hissed at his partner in crime.

"She w-wa-was . . ." Daniel composed himself in an instant, although his cheeks were tinged bright red. "She was in a state of undress . . ."

"She was naked?" Daniel couldn't help but nod at this, as Jack glanced at Fraiser's door again, "I wonder why?"

"Maybe she's a nudist at heart?" Daniel licked his lips nervously, "Let's move on, shall we?"

Jack nodded, and moved silently along the corridor until he got to Sam's door. He reached out to grab Daniel's arm, but thought better of it and chose instead to hiss out, "Jackson!"

Daniel turned, and glanced at the door. Samantha Carter's room. 

"Jack . . .?"

Jack glanced down the corridor again, "What?"

"We shouldn't . . ."

"Why not?"

". . ." Daniel frowned, he couldn't actually think of a good reason. "Uh, Sam will kill you if she finds out . . ."

"What about you?" Jack hissed back, "Why does she always go after me?"

"Uh, she couldn't kill me, Jack . . ." Daniel corrected slowly, "Because I'm already dead." 

As Daniel poked his head through the wall, Jack took a moment to indulge in a fairly well deserved . . .

"D'oh!"  

-------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: [grins] that's one thing I love about you Jack . . . you love the Simpsons.

Jack: and as a fellow Simpsons fan, it would only be right to lay off Stargate and return to the depths of hell you came from right?

DrM: Aw, Hell no. [grins brighter] just gives me more material to work with . . .

Jack: [growls to self] Damnit it all to hell!

C-Faye: [nudges DrM] don't forget to plug your other story . . .

DrM: [slaps forehead] how could I forget?!

Jack: [sulking] because you're stupid. . . and mean, and crappy . . .

DrM: [ignoring him] Okay, so yeah . . . the whole reason this story got started was because Cucumber Faye, also known as theparanoidone here at ff.net, look up her story, and demand she continue it! [grins] anyway, she challenged me to write a fic where Sam, or Daniel confided in Jacob about their feelings for one another—

Jack: SAY WHAT?!

DrM: [ignoring Jack] well, it was hard enough 'cause I'm a Jack/Sam girl myself . . . but finally I have done it, so keep your eyes out for 'Midnight Musings'.

Jack: YOU DID WHAT?!

DrM: [wide grin] I wrote a Sam/Daniel fic, called 'Midnight Musings'. I would love it if people not only reviewed that . . . but this too!

Jack: [shakes head] that was a shameless story plug DrM, I'm ashamed of you . . . bad evil overlord, bad! [turns to reader] don't encourage her to write more . . . she's a bad evil overlord, don't review!!

DrM: [baps Jack with a pillow] Shhh . . . you're not supposed to say that!! What if people take you seriously!?!

Jack: I *AM* being serious!!


	4. Came Across Sam and Martouf In A Bathtub

Greetings, and welcome to my wacky little world!!

So, yeah, like I don't own any of the characters that will be gracing this story . . . but at the next auction I hope to buy Chevron Guy!! 

Warnings: Severe Out of Character-ness, little or no following of the time line . . . and little or no respect for the SGC . . . [grin] what can I say?

Dedication: When watching Stargate non-stop, eating much chocolate, and *trying* to figure out a plot for a Daniel/Sam fic, when very dedicated to Jack/Sam . . . they are MEANT to be together, besides . . . Daniel's married for crying out loud! . . . I lay blame for this ficlet *entirely* at Cucumber Faye The Paranoid One's feet! 

"Speaking"

//Thinking//

*Emphasis/stressing*

_~Flashback ~_

_--Dream—_

~Sweet Dreams~

By Doctor Megalomania

Part Four: . . . And Came Across Sam and Martouf In A Bathtub . . .

Jack was muttering to himself as he snuck into Sam's room. 

Daniel rolled his eyes, as Jack got on to making fun of Daniel's haircut when they first met. Daniel sighed, and floated toward Sam's bed. She was sitting upright in bed, with her laptop buzzing on her lap. He rolled his eyes again, "She still doesn't take time out of her busy life do to the most basic of human things . . . like sleeping. . . having a life . . ."

"Fine one *you* are, Jackson, mocking Sam about having a life . . ." Jack grinned, "I seem to remember that a certain person in this room, not me or Sam but not mentioning any names . . . doesn't have a life anymore either . . ."

Daniel rolled his eyes again, and grabbed Jack's hand, "Let's just do this and get out before she catches us . . ."

"I could take her on."

"I'm sure you could, but wouldn't you prefer to live your life as a man, than a eunuch . . .?"

"Hey . . . let's not even entertain that image, thank you very much."

"I'm not the one who claims he could take on Sam Carter . . ."

"Well, I could."

"I'm sure you could . . ."

"Was that sarcasm, Doctor Jackson?"

Daniel smiled to himself as they walked down the long corridor, "Your abilities never cease to amaze me . . ." He paused at the corner and glanced around, "Where are we?"

"Hey, just because I happen to like the Simpsons, eat ice cream and drink beer like any other normal red blooded American . . . doesn't mean you can insult my intelligence, Daniel!"

There was an open door a little way down from their corner; Daniel glanced about to check for any guards. There were none, and he moved forward, "Jack . . ."

"And maybe I should remind you that just because you are all ascended like some sort of smarty pants . . ."

". . . Jack . . ."

". . . Does NOT mean you can usurp my authority . . . got that?"

"Yes!" Daniel hissed, "Now let's go Jack!"

Jack nodded to himself, "Good, now I say that we go to that open door on the left and see what Sam's got going on!"

The sound of laughter reached their ears long before they approached the door. 

The two grown men peered into the room; with Daniel crouching just on Jack's back. Jack growled as Daniel's ethereal knee prodded into his shoulder blade, "Why are you on top anyway?!"

"Because I'm the lightest, Jack!"

"Who says?!"

"Well, then let's think about this scientifically . . . since I'm the one without any earthly form, and you are the one who is technically the heaviest, which of us do you think needs to be on top . . .?"

"Okay, I've had just about as much as I can take from you, Mister Smarty-pants!"

"Jack!"

The two men froze as Sam's voice rang out. Daniel slid off Jack's back, and Jack straightened he was just about to push the door open when Sam's voice sounded again, "Be a dear and bring the champagne . . ."

Jack frowned. "What the--?"

"Of course, Samantha . . ." 

Jack jerked as his own voice replied warmly to Sam's request. Instantly the older man clapped his hand over his mouth, his brown eyes widening. Daniel raised an eyebrow, and his finger to his lips. There was the sound of water floating clearly from the room, and light footsteps padded close to the door. "Would you prefer the champagne or would you like to break open the sparkling whites, my beautiful major . . .?"

"_My beautiful major_?!" Daniel mouthed to Jack with a clearly amused tint in his eye, Jack raised his fist and shook it at the smirking doctor. 

Sam hummed, and then there was another splash. "I think . . ." She paused, "Which is the most expensive to open?"

"The Sparkling White Rose . . ." Dream Jack rattled off smoothly, "Will that one be all right?"

"Yes . . ." Sam's voice was warm as Dream Jack's footsteps padded away from the door. "Oh, and Daniel darling . . ."

"Me?!" Daniel mouthed with surprise, Jack's shock faded to amusement as he smirked at Daniel.

"Yes, Samantha?" Dream Daniel's voice floated almost dreamily from the room, "Please . . . tell me what I can do to make your day so much more . . . *pleasant* . . ." 

Jack's eyes widened impossibly at the suggestive tone of the dream version's Daniel. "What the hell?!"

"Shh---" Daniel started but paused, "Wait . . . what are we doing out here for?!" He frowned, "They can't see us in there . . ."

Jack frowned, "But I saw you . . ."

Daniel shrugged, "Eh, must have been a fluke . . ." He tugged at Jack's sleeve as he pushed the door open, "Move it, captain!"

Jack smirked as Daniel walked into the room, "And you were the one who protested . . . Look who's just so right now . . ."

Steam obscured their sight as the two men walked into the room. 

As it cleared slightly, it became rapidly apparent why the two were suddenly extremely grateful for so much steam in the room . . . 

There were men.

Many men.

Many NAKED men.

Many naked men bathing.

Many naked men showering.

Many naked men serving drinks.

Many naked men serving strawberries and grapes.

And a hellava lot of whipped cream.

. . . Did I mention the naked men?

No?

Samantha Carter's dream consisted of about half a dozen naked men, stark bollock naked, either bathing in the massive, sunken bathtub, showering under the mini waterfall that fell into one side of the massive, sunken bathtub, or carrying a tray filled with glasses of drinks, strawberries, grapes or cans of spraying whipped cream. 

And in the middle of all of this, Samantha Carter lay lent back against the side of the bathtub, with Martouf on one side, the dream version of Daniel on the other and . . .

A series of bubbles floated up from before Samantha.

The dream version of Jack surfaced from evidently exploring territories unknown.

The two non-dream men – who were both fully clothed - gaped at the pallet of handsome stargatian men, both human and alien. Jack's jaw was nearly brushing the floor. A drop of sweat rolled down Daniel's forehead as his eye twitched.

"Jack . . ."

"I know, Daniel . . ."

"But Jack, she's . . ."

"I know, Daniel . . ."

"Jack, she . . ." Daniel swallowed, and raised his arm to point at Sam, "That's Sam!!"

Sam blinked and looked over at the two, "What the . . .?" Beside her, the dream's version of Jack and Daniel faded away. A smile lit Sam's face as she leant back, "Oh . . . is this important, gentlemen?"

"Huh?" Jack blinked slowly, then motioned himself slowly, "Us?"

"Yes, you . . ." Sam smiled and swam over to lean her forearms on the side of the massive, sunken bathtub. She smiled predatorily up at the two, "It seems that a new mission has cropped up for you two . . ." She looked them over once, and then glared at them, "But I think you're both seriously overdressed . . ."

"Overdressed . . .?" Daniel murmured, his jaw working, "Uh . . ."

"Yes, now . . . let's see . . . Jack, I think you better loose that shirt . . . and Daniel . . . you can loose your socks . . ."

The two gawked at her for a moment . . . a moment too long for Sam. She raised a hand, and clicked her fingers. Jack and Daniel stared in surprise as Teal'c walked out of the mist in the room, with his staff pointed at the two. 

"Gentlemen . . . Start your stripping!"

Daniel stared at Teal'c and his . . . Daniel swallowed hard . . . gold and black thong. Jack frowned; choosing to ignore Teal's . . . Daniel swallowed hard again . . . gold and black thong, and turned to Sam, "Why do I have to lose my shirt and he only gets to lose his socks?!" Jack folded his arms defiantly, "What's fair about that?!"

White teeth bit kittishly into red lips, as Sam smirked, "Because . . ." She said slowly, "I say so, and what I say goes, so . . . Now move it, solider!"

Teal'c took a step forward, and Daniel bent over tugging at his shoes and socks. Jack sighed sharply, and started to pull open his shirt. 

"Slowly . . ." Sam reminded them, "Nice and slow, boys . . ."

"You know . . ." Jack grumbled, "You're not usually this horny in really life. . ."

Daniel looked up slightly and found himself nose to . . . he gulped, and whimpered slightly . . . codpiece – a codpiece that had tassels by the way, nice threaded, red ones – with Teal'c. Suffice to say, Daniel was getting a little more than traumatised by the sight of Teal'c . . . thing wrapped up in shiny silky gold and PVC black with red tassels. 

Sam laughed, "Yeah, but in real life I don't have . . ." She frowned, "Wait . . . this is a dream?"

Jack tugged his boxers up slightly as he loosened his trousers, "Well, duh . . . Of course this is a dream!"

"Uh, Jack. . . bad idea . . ." Daniel said, trying to take his eyes off Teal'c . . . Thing . . . 

"Really?" Sam looked around, "Well . . . I suppose that could be possible . . ." She murmured, she pointed at Martouf, "I mean, you're dead . . ."

Martouf held out his hand, "but Samantha!" He cried out, "I love you!!"

Sam raised an eyebrow, "Eh . . . go figure . . ." She turned back to the now half naked Jack and the transfixed Daniel. "But the thing is, if this is my dream . . ." She folded her arms, and stared at them deeply, "How do *you* know this is a dream?"

"Uh . . ." Jack held up a finger, "Well . . . Erm . . ."

Sam's eyes widened.

-------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: been a while since I last updated, sorry, sorry!! I got kinda side tracked . . . Thanks to some loosy directions SOMEONE gave me . . .

Jack: what, you found it in the end didn't you?

DrM: Your attempts to discourage me from writing Stargate have not gone unnoticed . . . [shakes head] anyway, Please Review!! Thanks for reading!!


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